I am feeling my own mind right now like I was strapped to a chair right now I am in debt fivehundred dollars. I have no care to explain why in details nor can I actually explain it the story is stupid anyway.
I hate my anger and how it makes me feel towards the world I cant believe how long I felt angry for & for the sake of expression I would say I could become a serial killer with the violence I feel towards all of man under the sun. Bloody murder is what I feel all of the insanity, insanity it lurks inside of all of us.
I am made of flesh, the veins that circulate my blood and a hell of a lot of childhood stories that I carry with me like a pocket full of pennies, they keep pulling my pants down to expose me. I feel animal in me, savage beast, not a man but an imposter disguising himself, has animal instincts his hate his anger as if I could read another news paper and swallow disgustingly the world I see. I can only scream inside of myself quietly the blood boiling under my surface and singing I feel a battle cry emerging one that could help my soul and liberate it it into becoming man that yell I feel will only come the day I bury my grandmother.
God damn the world for all of its spinning and its activity its wandering, its progression, its spinning out of control. I feel this wound and know its my own and I hear all of the apparations of nightmares i’ve lived lurking waiting for a chance to grasp at me waiting for a drug to enter my bloodstream to come blasting through my mind like driving me to madness or suicide waiting for that day to come where I surrender to weakness.
Here I am a man, a soul, a body, my soul defiled by worldly experiences and unworldly, plagued by visions of a lunatic and the realization that none of it all matters in the face of infinity. Straight faced and shoes tight on firmly I look out this window feeling the curdeling returning to its place inside of a wound, comforted by my anger I feel addicted to the thrust it gives me forward I use it like a blade to cut through with fury and intention to me all of this world resembles is fragments of a totality something.
Filth is what I see everywhere I see filth in beauty and beauty in filth and horror at the realization that everything is an infinite game in which I am playing my piece, the screaming of a man, gooey pizza cheese sliding like ooze on to your paper plate comfort food for me and all people, sattelite television with pornography and MTV that difference is only the fucking to me.
I stare out of my own body and whirl around myself like a storm who am I and what should I call myself? An ex-drug user and all the weakness that entitles me to all of the laughing at the sympathy of other I get to enjoy in silence all the filth coming through in undertones.
I laugh and shrug at the world tries desperatley to do to me or what I do to the myself through the world whatever it matters the world is wrathful for the unsovreign. The world is a woman and and if your soul gives up celestial sounds call your spirit back to infinity and maggots will carry pieces of your body deceased underground in perfection.
I feel my hell, the whisper of a heroine addicted father his disease torments my mind and threatens me trying to carry me to the first spike, that first burst through the flesh and I stand and laugh and I feel the horror of my own feelings towards that.
All I know is I never say never and thats means I just dont say it, I dont say anything, I dont forget, I dont forget it, I know what never means and so I never say never all I look at is the fork in the road and the forward path I will strike with all my might and my soul will blaze through the filth with mastery in ascent like an eagle soaring through the clouds higher and higher as my feet stay to the ground unshaking, unwavering from purpose, passion and woman the beauty of the woman and the sparkle in there eyes the beautiful and the passionate, the alive is what I will seek for all the long days undersun.
My journal, my introduction to a life dedicated to becoming a champions, no more then a champion. A light for all of humanity, sparkeling brilliance, towering with might leading and building upon all of the lessons, working with ferocity and ascending like the tallest building, the longest highway with rage as my tool like a tsunami, a tornado a tropical rainstorm, many beautiful woman is what I need, I crave them and their bodies they will become my beauties reflection.
What you see here reader you may never understand and your secret whisper is my fall. What your collective mind wants more then anything to see a needle strike a masterpiece destroyed, a love rendered to obliteration but you won’t see it all you will see is a samurai, a smooth talking mother fucker moving through the clutter blasting, smashing and harmonically moving to completion.
I hate you all
Life is calling to me now I am twenty years old at the death of the decade what can hold me back now??? No thing and no one but my own self so to the future me reading this now reading in amusement, tears, pride and self-affirmation, strength here you are at this point now walk tall and wash your hands clean of all that doesnt matter any longer.
Go
